Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a smart pig?
A Swinestein.
Why did the Titanic and the iceberg hate each other?
Because the Titanic hit it.
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
One of the most popular documentaries of the 2010’s was “Jiro Dreams of Sushi.”
One of the least popular documentaries was “Jiro’s Nightmare of Ass-Rape.”
Why does Jesus hate Skittles?
Because they fall through his hands.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Key.
Key who?
Key moo.
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
Girls with the name Carley have the biggest forehead on the earth, I mean, moon.
Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
My dad raped my mom, now I have a brother.
What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?
They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.
Uh!!!
What flour do orphans use when baking? Self-Raising (Rising).
What’s the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to smash and one is a watermelon.
There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).