Worst Jokes Ever
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?
I don't worship Jesus.
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain.
Really Karen?
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "You're." "You're who?" "You're adopted!"
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home base.
If I looked like Stephen Hawking, I would also be an atheist.
There is a new kind of jock strap; it only holds one nut. It is called a Trump supporter.
I am a George Formby fan, and I love football. My favourite manager was Arsène Wenger. My favourite referee was Collina. My favourite player was Dean Windas. So my favourite George Formby song was "Wenger, Collina, Windas."
I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R. Whites in the other. I got into a hot sweat. I think I have Corona Virus.
Adding a "gl" in front of "camping" doesn't make it any better.
If you add a "gl" in front of "Adolf Hitler," it doesn't make him a great guy.
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandpa is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandma is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!
Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!
Survives until tomorrow.
Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*
Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!
(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
Get confused with Confucius!
What's the difference between a fly and a bird?
A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.
Your mom stinks.
That is my joke.
You mom doesn’t really stink.
I know I am stupid. 🤕
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.