Worst Jokes Ever
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the power point/modem.
What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."
What did one astronaut say to the other astronaut after landing on the Moon?
"Ah! And people thought we were moons!"
That moment when the disabled kid has to take the Pacer test.
A stupid dolphin makes an annoying noise.
The dolphin did it on porpoise.
A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.
"This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.
She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"
Monkey monkey monkey monkey.
What has more brains than a student in a school shooting? The wall behind them.
Why is the sun famous? Because it’s a shining star.
Sorry for posting this!
Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.
Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
If you give a prostitute money, you will go to jail, but if you give a prostitute a Klondike bar, you will not go to jail. I would rather go to the casino and get more money for my buck.
When the washer started running, why did you join me?
Because I had to catch it.
Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
... YO MAMA SOO, Oh wait...
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?
They both break your heart.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.
God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.