What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.
Worst Jokes Ever
Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...
Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
Me: Have you ever tried African food?
You: No.
Me: They haven't either.
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf, and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.
Stop complaining. Pedophile jokes are pretty funny, but to say there are over 100 of them only to have repeats of the same joke told by different people is very disappointing.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
What were Princess Diana's last words?
Have you been Dri...?
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
Head of Company: "We need to stop testing our products on animals."
Consultant: "Why? The shampoo companies do it."
Head of Company: "Yeah, but we make dildos."
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.
The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.
