I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
Worst Jokes Ever
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.
Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!
UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!
Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!
Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."
Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
Yo mama so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?
The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
Hang out.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
