A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
I like my COVID like I like my women: 19 and easy to spread.
Why didn't the seagull fly over the bay? Because it would be a bagel.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? - 'Cause she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and you're wet.
I don't like the word "gun".
Whenever I say it, people always get triggered.
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
What is a Russian joke?
Something that will be funny for Russian people.
Orphans are really out here taking selfies.
Nah bro, that's a family photo.
Why are orphans prostitutes?
So they can call someone "daddy."
My penis is longer than one inch.
Teacher: What is a cow?
Kid: Meat.
Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?
Kid: Eggs.
Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?
Kid: Homework.
Yo Mama so fat that when she took a photo of herself to get it printed out, it took 15 years to finish!
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Rearrange the furniture.
Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.
Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.