What's written on the bottom of a Belgian swimming pool?
"No smoking."
Worst Jokes Ever
A guy walks into an AA meeting and asks for a road map.
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
Every size bag of chips is a family size for orphans.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma balls!
What did the fish say when seeing his best mate?
"I sea him!"
Your momma's so nasty, she sucked your daddy's dick and kissed you good night!
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop!
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
Why are Democrats represented by the donkey? Because some Democrats can be such an ass!
Why is Santa so fat?
He only comes once a year.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Cause they have to hit a home run.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 Detour.
Why can't your nose be twelve inches?
Because then it would be a foot.
Why can't orphans have friends?
They will stay together.
Yo mama so hairy that bigfoot dated her.