Worst Jokes Ever
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
My teacher: Time can't count.
Me: Every second counts.
My teacher: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!
What is white and sticky?
Glue.
Why couldn't an orphan use a fighter jet?
Because he couldn't use the homing missiles.
Pick up line for girls with the last name "Berg":
"I may be a tall glass of whiskey, but I'm nothing without a few ice Bergs."
Why do planets circle the sun?
'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.
Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?
Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?
Son: Mom, what is money made of?
Mom: Paper.
Son: Where does paper come from?
Mom: . . .
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
If you play games, go play on your sister.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
Teacher: "Okay, so how are you going?"
Student: "I'm not going."
Teacher: "Oh, so you're a wheelchair person?"
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.
My hair strainer is hotter than you.
Stop doing these orphan jokes, please, Rob.
What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?
A pee-ano/piano.