Worst Jokes Ever
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's?
You can hide your own Easter Eggs!
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
I started an emo salsa band. We're called Hispanic at the Disco.
What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."
Why can't homeless people be gay?
They don't have a closet to get out of.
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”
I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 9/11 documentary.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor bastard.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
Jack quietly crawled through Jill’s bedroom window, trying not to make a single noise. She sat on her bed, her back facing him. Jack tiptoed up behind her, laid his hands on her shoulders and said, in a rather sensual tone,
“Boo.”
“Jack!” She yelled, “what are you doing here?”
Jack sat down next to her and smiled.
“I figured today was a good day to maybe go up to the hill?” He said.
“That sounds fun,” said Jill.
“C’mon, let’s go!”
The kids climbed down from Jill’s second story window. They frolicked around in the fields, hair swaying in the wind, as they neared the nearby hill. Jack took Jill’s hand, and they skipped up to the very top of the hill. They sat down on the bright green grass and giggled.
“You ready?” Asked Jack.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Jill replied with a wink.
Jack laid his hand on Jill’s chest, softly pushing her onto her back. He got down on his knees, and bent down to the bottom of her dress.
“I’ve waited a long time for this...” he whispered.
Jack slowly pulled up Jill’s dress with one hand, running the other up her thigh. His anticipation was building faster and faster. He looked her in the eyes as he slowly pulled down her panties. Once they were all the way off, he turned his head downward. His mouth opened, his eyes went wide. Jack was speechless. Before he could say anything, Jill slammed his head down, gagging him with her giant cock. She sat up as she slammed his head up and down. Jack began to feel dizzy as he gagged and coughed.
“Silly Jack, didn’t you know? I’m not Jill. I never was. My name’s Randy. You’re mine now, Jack. So sit back, enjoy the ride.” Said Randy.
Randy moved Jack’s head faster and faster as he threw his head back. It was coming, fast. All of a sudden, he stopped. Jack’s head stood still as his mouth became a fountain of white, drizzling all over Randy’s legs and onto the grass. Randy let go and Jack jumped back, spitting and trying to get it all out of his mouth. Just as the dizziness began to fade, Randy walked over. The last thing Jack saw was Randy’s fist hurtling towards him...
My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
A Christian, a Jew, and a Catholic walk into a bar. The Christian says, “Where’s Mohammed?”
This is not even a joke, it's a serious question... Is eating ass considered cannibalism?
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimer's?
Yeah, neither have they.
Easy way to get away from rape is to become the rapist. All women need to carry a 12-inch dildo and a gun!
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.