Worst Jokes Ever

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite instrument? A small skin flute.

You're hairline is like I was so fat Dora the Explorer couldn't find your numbers!

The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza. Instead, they got a plane.

Why did the man go across the train tracks to get to the other side?

"In chess, a queen can move in more directions than the king."

I mean, yeah, the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor, so-

A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.

They're all Predators!

Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?

Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.

What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?

Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.

Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.

What is it called if you give 100 disabled people guns?

Special Forces.

What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?

One of the missions succeeded.

I don't usually make 9/11 jokes. They always go down in flames.

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

You know, 9/11 jokes aren't funny, they're just PLANE wrong!

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?

An orphan has all their teeth intact.

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.

1 hour before:

So let me get...

Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!

Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*