Worst Jokes Ever

In Soviet Russia,

You love Chinese and hate Chinese.

Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"

Donald Trump is, like, really orange.

What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.

Yo' mama so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.

Yo' mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.

Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.

I ran out of bras, so I wore...

My grandma's underpants!

What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?

... A FLATLINE!

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.

Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).

How do you punish Helen Keller?

You leave the plunger in the toilet.

What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.

When your grandma says she's rusty but still manages to teach you.

Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?

A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.

"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"