Worst Jokes Ever

How many feet are in feet?

I'm stumped.

How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"

Bf: Do you love me?

Gf: Most of the time.

Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.

Gf:...

Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?

Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.

Bf: Why?

Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.

Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!

Gf: Ohh...

How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.

Why is the ocean so salty?

Because the land doesn't wave back! 🤣

What did the blind deaf kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

Is die?

I got kicked outta the poker game.

They said I was a little cheetah.

Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.

Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.

Teacher: Why?

Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.

So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.

What did the big flower say to the little flower?

Hi, Bud!

What did momma seal name her twin girls?

Luceal and Sealia.

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"

Why do bugs hate the internet?

Because they always get caught.

Get it? Inter-net?

Why do orphans look at a house for so long?

'Cause they never had one.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

What do you call expired milk?

The Milky Way.

Why can't orphans go to family restaurants?

Because they don't have a family to go with.

The fucking cat!