Worst Jokes Ever
I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.
Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.
Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They told her to go find the light.
So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.
Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
What kind of tree can you High-Five?
A palm tree.
Person 1: Somebody farted.
Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?
I think they just hacked the "chrime."
What’s an emo called Anna?
Want to hear a joke about prostitution?
Never mind, it's whoreable :)
Your hairline is so far back you ain't got a fo'head, you got a five head!
Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?
To get to the dark side.
Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.
Apple tried to make a car, but it had no windows ;)
My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.
If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.
No.
Why did the blind woman get raped?
Because she didn't know she was wearing see-through clothes.
How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
I saw a kid on the curb while I was on a walk, and he was in baggy clothes, and I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "Yeah." And the orphan said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Ur parents."