Worst Jokes Ever

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

What is the difference between an orphan and a bandit?

One's wanted.

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

Why is a white prison inmate scarier than a black inmate?

The white guy did it!

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.

Caca.

What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

I have cripple and depression.

I tried to have phone sex once.

But the holes were too small.

A sandwich walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

Why can't an orphan have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy."

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."

Why can't an orphan be gay? It has no one to call daddy.

The twin towers were like my parents... They never came back.

I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.