Worst Jokes Ever
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.
"It looks like she went into Claire’s Boutique, fell on a sale rack, and said, ‘I’ll take it!’" — Bianca Del Rio, RuPaul’s Drag Race
"OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!"
Your face makes onions cry.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
How do ghosts cry?
Boo hoo.
How do demons cry?
ERCDVHVXRCDHGHDCFHBGFBHGN FGEHJGNVEGHDNES BGEWYSHGBEWHGSGNBDGEBSHNZAGCHNSNGEHSNGVHGNNEBDSVZHGB.
What is half of nine?
"ni"
What do you call someone with a big butt?
The Thightanic!
Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to smell her own nose.
How does an emo greet people?
“What’s down?”
Why were the Twin Towers upset? Because they ordered pepperoni, yet plane arrived!!!
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.
What does one emo kid say to the other?
"I like your cuts, G."
I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
What did the orphan say to the adopter?
Nothing, he just stared.
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?