Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”

They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.

She is not “fun to be around.”

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.

She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

"You're the bomb."

"No, you're the bomb."

A compliment in the US, an argument in the Middle East.

I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

Fuck people who are bigger than me physically, emotionally, mentally, economically, and socially.

Why did the chicken cross the road to Popeyes Chicken?

It wanted to pop some chicken eyes...

The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you. I hope Scotland gets freedom. I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.