Worst Jokes Ever
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.
I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
The priest is in jail now.
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?
Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
Why can't there be a gay disabled person?
Because a fruit can't be the same as a vegetable.
What do you call a woman covered in mud? A dirty dishwasher.
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
Dear Autocorrect, I never wanted to spell the word "bigger".
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".
The tree never responded; it left him hanging.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.