Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
No, it's harmless.
I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.
Who is buried in the tomb of Alexander the Grape?
Alexander the raisin.
Your lips are so big, it turns the Grand Canyon sideways.
Yo mama is so old, she is the founder of the pyramid of Egypt.
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."
1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."
Memories: I have ligma.
Ligma what?
Ligma balls.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
Teacher: "If you're dumb, stand up."
Nobody stands up.
After some waiting, the teacher says, "Really? No one? There must be someone."
Little Johnny stands up.
"Oh, so you think you're dumb, Johnny?"
"Nah, I just feel bad that you're standing alone."
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
Ha ha! Get rickrolled!
What did one candle say to the other?
"Want to go out tonight?"
Tongue twister: Through three cheese trees Three free fleas flew. While these three fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze; freezy trees made these tree's cheese freeze.
That's what made these three fleas sneeze. 👍😀
What's tree plus tree? Sticks! (Three plus three = six)
What's tree plus tree?
Sticks!
I met a gay guy last night.
Man, was he a pain in the ass.
I was gonna make a gay joke but fuck it.
I was thinking of starting up a stair company, but there were too many steps to it.
Everyone punch orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?