Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?
A hypoteNUSE!
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.
Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.
Me: Oh, I already tried that.
People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!
Having homosexual parents must be terrible.
Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."
What’s the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
Today I was asked to go out by 17 women. Well, I was in the women's bathroom. 💀
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣
My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨