Worst Jokes Ever
How do you kidnap Stephen Hawking?
Shut off his computer.
What does Stephen Hawking put his food in? A microwave.
What do you call an emo who's emo?
An emo.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"
"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.
He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
What did the Taliban say to the Afghan?
Nothing, they blew him up.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked.
Why did 6 eat 7? Because 7 ate 9.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.
Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.
Yo mama's so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.
Maybe if you get a better hairline, your dad will come back with the milk.
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
Yo mama is so fat she can't even get in her own car because she's fat.
Russia is so corrupt that Putin was voted most sexiest man.
Why can't orphans go to the store? Because they throw everything around.
You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."