Worst Jokes Ever
What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?
They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.
One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!!
Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!
So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."
I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'
I don't need this shit!
Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
Yo mama so fat, it took your dad eight years to come back with the milk.
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?
"I C D K"
You know what I see?
DICK
My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"
I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."
He asked, "In an orphanage?"
Why do teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Hey man, I was gonna tell a joke about 9/11, but it was just plane.
Like if I'm fine-ish.
How is a woman like a road?
They both have manholes.
The emo kid tried to give the tree a high five. Unfortunately, the tree left him hanging...
Me: Do you like cobble?
My friend: No.
Me: Gobble deez nuts!
Why is an orphan bad at hide-and-seek?
Because nobody will actually look for them.
Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.
I don’t see what the problem is.
The Supreme Court came up with a solution to the tampon shortage, yet all the liberals are pissed!
Luigi and Daisy are actually Aussie! How?
They wear GREEN and GOLD! The Aussie Colors!
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
A) Why don't orphans play Minecraft Online?
Q) Because Technoblade will get their I.P. address and cum to their houses!