Worst Jokes Ever

I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now.

Open wide, here comes the airplane!

*Enter password*

"ScoobyDoo"

"Password must contain special character."

"ScoobyDooFeaturingBatman"

What are the similarities between apples and emos?

They both hang from trees.

I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didn’t work.

I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!

Roses are red, violets are violet,

My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot!

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair and said, "Hot Wheels!"

I would make a rape joke, but I'd have to force it down your throat.

Why can’t a gay person walk a trail? Because a gay person can’t walk on a straight line.

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

One gets picked, and the other doesn't.

I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.

I groomed 2 minors today.

An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."

A homeless kid once said he will go home.

Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?

The salad could be dressing!

Kid: Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who’s there?

Kid: Not your parents.

I raped a disabled child.

I think she's too far gone to repair now.

This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.

What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?

They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.

One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.

I don't need this shit!!

Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.

I don't need this shit!

So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."

I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'

I don't need this shit!

Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.