I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why is 6 scared? Because 7 8 9.
Why is 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.
Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.
What’s the best part of violently raping a sexy 10-year-old girl? Killing the little bitch afterwards.
What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
A horse walks into a bar.
Several of the patrons quickly get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
What’s the difference between a snowMAN and a snowWOMAN?
THE SNOWBALLS!
Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.
First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”
Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”
Never challenge death to a pillow fight.
Unless you're prepared for the reapercushions.
What does Fortnite and real life have in common?
They both lost their tower.
What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
An orphan walked up to a baseball field, but a security guard said he couldn't come in because it was a home game.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
Today there was a line to punch me.
Yeah, that was the punch line.
Queen
What's the difference between a gay man and a hairline?
The hairline is way straighter.
Why don't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
If an emo counts down, don't worry, they probably have only one bullet.
