Worst Jokes Ever
I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I kicked a soccer ball into a kid in a wheelchair, so we are playing Rocket League.
A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
An emo tried to give me a high five...
I left him hanging.
An orphan? We no jokes.
Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.
What is Mario's favorite website?
- Yahoo!
OMG TYSM FOR HELPING ME REACH 30 FOLLOWERS!
🎆
Me: Kills the boss and takes his loot.
Everyone else in the office: 😱
Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
Like this if one of your family members is emo!
If you're here for a cheap laugh about suicide, I'll give you some real killer jokes!
Suicide isn't funny, but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression f**ks you harder.
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, "I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"
Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"
The teacher grabbed Billy and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, "Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus.