Worst Jokes Ever

"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."

A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."

What is Helen Keller's favorite color?

Velcro.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?

I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.

"Consent is just some fucked up feminist propaganda."

Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!

Q: Why did the chef get fired?

A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!

I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.

Guys, my sister's pregnant!

I'm finally a dad!

What songs do people with no arms listen to?

None, 'cause they can’t press play.

I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."

What goes in and out and saves your life but is not sexual?

Diabetes.

Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!

If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.

Why was Sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.

Which president has never gone to jail?

Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?

What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

So a cupcake walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says to himself, "Damn, this is some good shit."

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Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!