Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."

Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."

Wife: "No, you're not."

dfg.

"Simba is proof cats don’t always land on their feet."

I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.

So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?

A heartless killer.

What do you call two Latinos playing baseball one on one?

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)

What is Osama bin Laden's favorite football team?

The New York Jets.

You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.

Children are like farts.

You can only tolerate your own.

What is the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with a light on.

Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?

She washed up on the beach.

Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.

Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!

What's the difference between anal and oral sex?

An and Or!

An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.

Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.

The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"