Worst Jokes Ever
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
There are 3 Genders.
1: Man
2: Woman
3: Mentally ill.
What animal has 5 legs?
A pitbull on a children's playground.
What is the difference between a terrorist and a prostitute?
The prostitute can blow you more than once.
How do you get a blonde to drown?
Stick a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
I rub lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.
What do you call a special needs army?
The special forces.
What do orphans do at parent teacher meetings?
What happens when the orphan at school gets sent home?
What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?
You end up doing all the work.
Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?
Because it said, "Focus."
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?
Sleeping Beauty.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.