Yours jokes
Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
There's something on your chin... no, the 3rd one.
Your momma is so skinny, she hula hoops with a Cheerio!
So Kenny finally found his one true love.
But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.
🧀: C’mon tomato!
🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.
🧀: You’re a mile away.
🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
POV: You liked this joke because you're straight.
Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?
Friend 2: Pizza.
Friend 3: Donuts.
Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.
Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)
Friend 2: (Calling the parents)
You're probably getting tired of these gravity jokes... but I keep falling for them every time.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to the top of your ego then jump to your IQ.
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.
You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.
And your IQ is 5.
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.
It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.