Yours jokes

You're so fat that when you got to McDonald's, they had to call Wendy's for backup.

How do you disappoint people in Africa?

Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.

But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.

Your hairline was so fat that Joe Biden could not make it prime minister.

What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?

654-721-8940

(If you understand the joke, you're a god.)

Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.

If your hot dog taste like a piece of wood, who you gonna call?

GHOST MUSTERD

Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.

The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”

As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.

How do you get 500 drunk TTC people out? "Ah, on fire, a warning shot." "Uhhh sir, it's a M92 mortar." "Ah, just fire the shot!" Please get out before you get triggered from the pool and you have no clothes showing your nono parts. Oh wait, please get out of the pool drunk people. Potato, potatoes, fire ze shot.

School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!

Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*

Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.

Your mum is so fat that when she walked past the television, I missed a whole series of SpongeBob.

You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.

What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

Store owner: You have to be 40 inches tall to go into the adult section.

Kid: Please.

Store owner: Oh okay, but get on your tippy toes.

Kid: Everybody is hugging.

So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."

One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.

There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbbells tables, but he wasn't lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up.

The manager then walked over to him and asked, "You're hogging the dumbbells, dude! What are you even doing?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Getting ripped, wanna join me?" as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. "Why not?" he finally said.

Your nana gay, just like you, and you're made of atoms, nerd.

Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

You're so fat, when someone calls you fat, you get depressed and cut you a slice of cake.