Yours jokes

I know five fat people, and you're three of them.

Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought you were his brother.

A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.

After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.

"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.

"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.

"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.

"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.

The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.

"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.

"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.

"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.

"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.

The lice in your head are starting to concern over deforestation.

Guy 2 whispering: Oh, I got tired of acting gay.

Guy 1: I heard you. Why are you acting gay?

Guy 2: To attract gays and then give them advice.

Guy 1: So what's your advice to me?

Guy 2: That I just know you're gay.

LOL xD

An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."

Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.

So, I had an orphan friend, and he asked me, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, I just wanted to remind you." Then I asked, "How are your parents?" After that, I never saw him again.

If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?

When you have a gun in your hand.

Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"

Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"

Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."

Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".

He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"

Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."

What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after the lesbian vampire was done licking the pussy of the heterosexual woman?

"When is your next blood period?"

Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.

What's the best part about plowing your cousin?

- It makes your sister jealous.

Why do you have to watch your back at NASA? They want to probe Uranus.

When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.

What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.

What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?

Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.

Your momma so fat, when she stepped on the weighing scales, her phone number came up!