Yours jokes

Grandfather

  • One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.

    A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”

  • 0
  • Mama

  • Your mama is so fat, guys have to bring climbing equipment to have sex with her.

    Toilet Paper

  • The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.

  • 0
  • Insult

  • Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.

    Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

    Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.

  • 4
  • Misunderstanding

  • A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."

  • 9
  • Shooting Range

  • When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...

  • 1
  • Difference

  • What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.