Yours jokes

Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln

What did the boy goat say to his girlfriend?

You're my boo!

I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!

If you think your life is bad, then people are discussing the gender of Mr. Potato Head.

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

if you play minecraft: your dog is still waiting for you in the world you made along time ago.

Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?

When you're born on 4/20/69...

A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮

B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛

So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.

So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"

So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!

Your mama is so fat. Her high school picture is an aerial photograph.

Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.

You're so skinny, death mistook you for dead.

Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb. I said, "Awww, are you an orphan?" He said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?

Weird Kid: Magazines.

Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:

You) I 1 poopoo

(Them) I 2 poopoo

(You) I 3 poopoo

(Them) I 4 poopoo

(You) I 5 poopoo

(Them) I 6 poopoo

(You) I 7 poopoo

(Them) I 8 poopoo

And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”

Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.

"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.

Your mom uses the equator as a belt.