Yours jokes

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!

You're an alcoholic!

What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?

They can't stand up for themselves.

Here's a joke: Your life decisions.

I got the new phone with longer lasting battery, but it still lasts longer than your relationships, ooooooooooo!

When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!

Do you play Sea of Thieves? See if these balls fit in your mouth, gotteeeem!

"Get off your computer, Jessie Jex."

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

"Go frick a cow!"

"I already fricked your mother."

You're a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

A priest walked in and said to the kids,

"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"

I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.

Your favorite music artist is Cardi B? I prefer Cardi A+ if I'm being honest.

You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

Your dad has a huge PP.