Yours jokes
Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.
Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!
What's the smallest stick in the world?
Your man's dick.
A blonde crashes an airplane.
Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?
Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.
Officer: *face palms self*
Also officer: Here's your sign.
When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."
When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!
You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.
A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.
The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
Your mama so fat that’s why Hulk gets big.
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?
Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."