Yours jokes

"Hey man, what's that, a dynamite you have in your hand? Ok, well hold it over. I'll give it right back."

"Oh no, I won't!"

"Oh yes, you will!"

"Oh, I won't!"

"Oh yes, you will!"

"Ok fine, then you take it or I'll blow our your butt before it farts."

The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.

If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.

What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."

Can I make you a basketball cake for dessert?

Yeah, you sure can, but don't be having all your balls in it. It will taste nasty.

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.

Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.

A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.

And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"

And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."

What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?

They're both "sweet home Alabama."

When you're a terrorist and you have a stutter.

A a a a a a a a ala ala ala ala ala alaog alaogbar.

Your classmate: You're so ugly.

Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.

If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

Me: Your ugly...

Person: I'm not your mirror...

Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p

You: Knock knock. Other person: Who is there? You: Not your parents.

Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.

Your hairline is Vegeta’s upside down!

My grandpa and your hairline go way back.

Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."

How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently not 343,646 because my basement is still as dark as yours.