Yours jokes
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"
How do emo kids compliment each other? They say, "I like your cuts, G!"
Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.
Son: Why?
Father: You’ll need them there.
What’s cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
Your hairline is so bad, the cops had to do a breathalyzer test on your barber.
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
Your Mom's Favorite Book, Chapter 1: How To Cook.
Your hairline is so jacked up even the barber couldn't fix it.
Bro, your hairline is still missing. Even Dora the Explorer can't discover it!
Your hairline is so screwed that Michael Jackson can't even moonwalk to your hairline.
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: started to laugh and said, "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.
Shitmate: You’re so shitable.
Me: Bring banana ice cream.
Shitmate: Never happening.
You're so fat, when you went on the scale it said "to be continued."
You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."
What is six inches, goes in your mouth, and it's fun when it vibrates? A toothbrush.
What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?
A toothbrush.
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
Your hairline is so far back it was back on before Jesus Christ was born.