You're jokes
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏
"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."
Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.
Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.
Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.
If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
What joke could orphan's never understand?
Your Mom jokes.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
Your forehead is so big, it's a $20 taxi ride from your hairline to your eyebrows.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”