You're jokes

COBRA GRINDSET OF THE DAY: Depression isn't real. You feel sad, you move on.

You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it, bitch!

What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."

What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?

Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.

Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"

Hi, I have a question for you.

Did you know that reading this is wasting your time?

Yeah, sorry xD

Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.

The bigger your shoe size is, the bigger your penis is.

The smaller your shoe size, the smaller your penis is.

Your life is the best joke ever.

The FitnessGramTM Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

Level 1 Feel it One Two Three Four Five Six Seven; end of level one.

A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?

It was a failure because:

South Americans don’t know the word “please.”

Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”

Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”

Balkans don’t know the word “give.”

Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”

Africans don’t know the word “food.”

Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”

Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”

Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”

Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.

I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.

Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.

Your mama is so skinny that when she went to go outside, the slightest breeze flew her all the way to New Mexico.

Shut your goofy ahh mouth!

Your mum. That's all I need to say.

Me and your mom in the bed.

Kidnapper: Hey kid, your mom told me to follow me.

Orphan: But I don't have a mom!

Yo mama so fat that your mama so fat, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that your mamas just fat.

So you decide one day to ask your son if he wants to f**k, do you do it for 3 hours, then you realize how will I explain another pregnancy to my sterile husband?

Me: Hey you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong.

Trashy pig woman: Why?

Me: Because you smell like fart and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.

Submit a joke :-)

Your love life.