You're jokes

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.

Your mum's so dumb, she thought Pornhub was a corn hub!

If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

Do you like pudding? Pudding deez nuts in your mouth!

How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?

When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.

The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.

Jack and Jill went down to hell to fetch your mother's bladder.

Her bladder broke. You two are soaked, and now you have a daughter, 'cause in that bladder was me!

If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"

Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

Hi guys, so today I am going to do another blog. It's just for fun, and yeah. Enjoy!

So, this morning, when I woke up, I heard that I was getting new grips. I was so excited. (In case you guys don't know what grips are, they are sort of like gloves that go on your hands and they are for gymnastics bars.) I was excited because my old grips don't fit me anymore and my coach was like, "Oh I can get you some new ones since we have a meet in a week." And so I was like, "Oh, that's fine. My parents ordered me some. Thank you though." And she was like, "Okay, that's fine. Just make sure you have them by next week." So long story short, I have new grips now.

CIA: Where's your head at?

JFK: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Your hairline goes so far back even Dora the Explorer couldn’t find it.

Your hairline goes so far back that it looks like Will Smith slapped it.

Hey, guy, you suck! Why do I suck? Because you're the one that's sucking juice out of a straw.

When you're lonely, watch a scary movie. You won’t feel lonely anymore!

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.