You're jokes
When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.
But you know you live alone.
A boi found a magic vase and a genie came out and told him he had one wish. The boy said, "I wanna be like Batman." The genie said, "OK, your wish is granted."
The boy came home later that day and his parents were dead.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your fat ass mom.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.
Why did your friend eat the burger?
Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!
Not really. He was just hungry.
I had to get my dog. Is it a tree? Was your time and I had fun today after dinner. I had...
How do you get a white girl to suck your dick?
Put ranch dressing on it.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Your forehead got a restraining order from your hairline.
You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."
Your mum's hairline was so big that Dora the Explorer could not find it.
Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?
Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.
Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.
An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."
What came before the dinosaurs?
Your hairline, because it's so far back!
What's long and can never wait for more for the ladies' action and likes when it gets harder...
Your penis!
Is your tap water running well?
Beta, go catch it!
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.
Son (in a happy tone): I know.
Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?
Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."