You're jokes
When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!
You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.
A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.
The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
Your mama so fat that’s why Hulk gets big.
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?
Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."
I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."
Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
You're an alcoholic!