You're jokes

If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.

Your hairline goes so far back it looks like Will Smith slapped it.

"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"

"Oh, that was the cat."

"We don't have a cat..."

"Oh..."

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.

If you don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then you're an idiot.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!

Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.

At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

Bro, is your hairline and your forehead good friends because they go way back?

You know what’s traumatizing?

Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.

Help!

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

Your hairline recedes so far back that it defends your forehead.

Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.

Yo, hairline go so far back that your dad found it before you did.

Sister: You're so stupid.

Me: Calling me stupid doesn't make you any smarter!