You're jokes
Tired of having to cut your grass? Dye it blue, and it will die itself.
Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?”
Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!”
Chef: “Why thank you.”
Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!”
Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"
I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
Memes
It works, my brother has never slept better
Seeing so many balding college students is so sad. Like, why the fuck is your hairline graduating before you?!?
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry.
Bring out your weapons, people.
It's bullying time.
You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"
Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.
So I threw a coconut at her.
An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.
I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”
Your mom is so fat, that burger.
Your forehead is so big that when you put glasses on top of your head, it falls off.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
Your hairline goes so far back even history can’t record it.
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.
What's green and bad for your teeth?
A green brick.
Your hairline is so far back that it killed the dinosaurs.