You're jokes

I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.

If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?

Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Son: Why?

Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.

Jimmy: Your mom is gay.

Me: No, you.

Jimmy: I have no mom.

So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

billie: hi.

me: You wanna hear a story?

billie: Yes, sure.

me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.

What do you call a mosquito in your language?

We don't call them, they just come and bite.

How do you get a clown off your swing?

You shoot it.

Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.

When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.

Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.

You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.

Chimmy: (smoking because of fireplace)

Chimmy2: You're too young to smoke.

Roses are red, Burnt bodies are black.

You'd look great With a knife in your back.

What does your mom and a slinky have in common?

They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.

Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?

Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?

Tyler: Pineapple

Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.

Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?

Frankie: Right now.

Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?

Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.

Tyler: I thought you never asked.

What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne waits till you’re 13 to come on your face.

You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.

But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.

You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.

Who's the bus driver?

You will never nose [know].

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder