You're jokes
What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?
You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.
"Where did you learn to do bookkeeping?"
"Yale."
"And what was your name again?"
"Yackson."
Are you a Muslim, because you're the bomb?
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
Your mama is so skinny she can dodge raindrops.
They say people can have a sharp mind. Yours is like a dull knitting needle.
Your insults are like a blank bullet: a stupid and harmless joke.
Is it just me or is your personality fake as well? Can't tell because everything about you is.
You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.
You're so dark that even God's light can't shine upon you.
"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."
"That was when I went to Yale."
"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"
"Thanks! I really need this yob!"
Are your hairline and forehead friends? Because they go way back.
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
You're more depressing than your own abortion video.
Why do Jews suck at mugging?
Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
Australia needs YOUR help!
ISIS brides are coming to Australia! They need to go back to where they came from. Help us before they blow us up like the terrorists they are!
How can you tell what kind of emo you are?
By how deep the cuts are on your forearm.