You're jokes
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.
Your nose is so big that Apple had to make a custom iPhone that unlocks using Nose ID.
My brother said, "Bruh, why you so ugly plus why do you stink?" Me: "Is that supposed to be a roast? I got one for you. Why do you look like you came out the wrong side of your mother? Instead of her stomach, you came out of her butt. That's why you were born with brown spots on your head. That's her poop, you stupid fuckface." My friends: "Ouch that's gotta hurt."
Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?
"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."
Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?
"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.
Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we werewolves?
Shut up and comb your face.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?
Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!
"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
Your mom is so fat, it takes a year to turn around.
Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."
Best thing ever right here.
So, there is this app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12-15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12-15 inches longer.
I called an orphan's house, saying: "Are your parents home yet?"
He started crying.
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
If you're bored, joke about an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"