You're jokes
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”
The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”
Yo momma so delusional, she thought your grandma's Venus flytrap was Audrey II.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
Hey, do you know who Dragon248 is? No, who is he? He's dragging these balls off your face.
Is your MBTI type INFP? Cause you're so FiNe.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
Lemme tell you a little story.
It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.
So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.
Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.
And finally... you peel back the last plank.
And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.
BOOOOOOO!!!!
It’s Anne Frank.