You're jokes
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
Your hairline is so long The Rock complimented it!
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.
You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.
Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"
Your hairline is so ugly, it’s receding from your face to never see you.
Your hairline is so big, I couldn't find the area of it on Jupiter.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Craps on your organ.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
Your hairline goes so far back that it was getting whipped in the 1800s.
Your hairline is so far back, your barber didn't know where to start.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭