You're jokes
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.
The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"
The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."
Roses are red, just like your lips.
Mountains are big, just like your tits.
Roses are red, Lemons are sour; Lift your skirt up and give me an hour.
It’s not cheating if you’re all siblings.
Hi, my name is Meer Adnan Hussain. I am a Muslim. I live in Karachi, an area of Pakistan. I want this job. I am interested in this work. Please take me in this work. Your porn star, Meer Adnan Hussain. Wait for your email. Okay.
Hey, guy, you suck! Why do I suck? Because you're the one that's sucking juice out of a straw.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.