You jokes

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.

I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.

"Go back to Party City, where you belong!" — Phi Phi O’Hara, RuPaul’s Drag Race.

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

Hispanic and Latino people be like, "No more immigrants!" Like, dude, aren't you an immigrant?

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

Orgasm means two things:

1. During you masturbate.

2. You torture phantoms.

People joking about 9/11.

Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."

Oh.

"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"

You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.

Is it classed as down under if you eat out an Australian chick?

What do you call a blind person driving a car?

Died.

What do you call Jan[uary] 6th?

White people smearing shit on the walls of the capitol!

Orphan: I love abcdefu!

Caretaker: Why? You don't have anyone to flip off.

The joke is you! 😂🤣😂🤣😂

When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...