You jokes

Warning! Cringe Alert!

What happens when you leave your phone at jail?

It becomes a cell phone.

"Fuck you, do something about it!"

You know what? I know five fat people, and you're four of them!

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

Your disabled joke on you can't stand.

You are emo.

If you want an orphan joke, just look in a mirror.

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

Annabeth: "Percy, whaters up with you?"

The moment when you throw the nut away and try to eat the shell.

I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.

Roses are red, violets are blue. You belong in a zoo, but don't worry, I'll be there too. Just not in a cage, I'll be laughing at you.

When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,

You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"

What would you rather be, emo or handicapped?

Trick question, emo is a handicap.

How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I see you, I see you; you would have to work out.

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"

You're so black, when you get near the sun, we go into a solar eclipse.

Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.

God: *SILENCE*

Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!

God: *SILENCE*