You jokes
I hope you never find out whether that pressure in your ass is a fart or a shit.
Are you Wi-Fi? Because I think I am finding a connection.
What do you call a pool full of handicapped people?
Vegetable soup.
You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.
What do you call someone with no legs?
Disabled.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.
"Chris, I just saw five fat people, and you are one of them."
House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.
What's bigger than Kurt Cobain's head?
What do you mean? He doesn't have one.
You guys wanna hear a joke?
My LOVE LIFE.
"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Orphan joke protest! If you think orphan jokes are bad and wrong, then comment good comments; if not, then just comment! Let's reach 67,000 good comments!
WTF is wrong with you guys? This is bullying. Stop it, please, but Shaenaya sounds like a good name.
What do you call an Islamic LGBT member? A Gaylism.
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liquor cabinet.
You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."
What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?
A Kongregation.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"