You jokes

Name

My girlfriend's name is Candice.

Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D

Pikachu

Why shouldn’t you do drugs? Weedle make you high.

How can Pikachu make a baby laugh? By playing pika-boo!

Memes

Website

Say this when showing this website to someone: "You know, it's too bad this website doesn't have a homepage."

Death

Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?

They're the same thing.

Bra

Comment anything if you liked the picture of Kenya in her bra!

Hint: It was a red bra with pink strips! And it said, "I love everyone!"

#she is sex*

Muslim

What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems?

(Said in a Scottish accent) "Amaffmaheed."

Orphan

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!

Orphan

What did the orphan say to the bowling ball?

"I am orphan!"

"You are bowling ball!"

Father's Day

Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?

Myla: I went to a restaurant.

Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?

Timmy: I went to a concert.

Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?

Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.

Receipt

I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!

Redneck

What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?

The worst shits you'll ever see!