You Jokes

What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?

One you can unscrew.

What did the coal say to the charcoal?

You look pretty coal! 🤣

New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.

Student: Stands up.

Teacher: Why did you stand up?

Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.

Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?

A: All the good guys are hung.

At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.

Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.

I know you came here to feel good about yourself...

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."

When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"

You have to tell this to a friend:

There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10

I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.

You wanna hear a construction joke?

I'm still workin' on it!

Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.

Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!

Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.

You learn something new every day.

Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.

What do you call Canadian weed? Canadabis.

What do you call it when orphans take a family photo? A selfie!

What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?

You can beat an egg.

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."

Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"

Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."