You jokes
If you take an emo kid grocery shopping.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
What happens when you mess with a farmer? You get the whole ranch.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..." The room was full of arm amputees.
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.
You people are sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!! None of these are funny. Sick sick sick!!!!!!!
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
"Princess, you there? :("
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.
No, what did you get? Older.
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Unnecessary.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?
Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?" God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
What's hard and hairy on the outside and soft and wet on the inside? Coconut, what were you thinking of?
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
You know why Elmer Fudd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods? Because Bugs Bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."