You jokes

I thought you played football 'cause you're hairline is receiving.

I hope you forget your password to something, only to send something to an email that you also forgot the password to.

Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?

Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?

Donald Trump is so smart he got to take a cognitive test 4 times.

And if you think that's impressive, wait until you hear how many times he got to retake first grade.

What do you call Snoop Dogg’s giant turd?

Poop Logg.

You're so full of shit that you need a colostomy bag to clean you out.

When it comes to mosquitoes in Africa, should you feel bad that they're getting AIDS from their victims?

To Drew the Devil,

We NEED to talk RN. I'm very mad at you, and we need to talk.

Angry Alex

Yo hairline so ugly, when you go to school you fall on a line.

Us three get along well. I guess you could say we're the TREE-o!

Hey, what do you call a beta simp?

You call me the beta simp.

If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.

If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.

What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?

A cabbage patch.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

You gonna poop someday.

What do you think of the Bill Cosby movie?

Netflix and alcohol.

There were 5 people on an airplane.

1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world

The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."

"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."

The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.

The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.

The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.

Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"

And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"

Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?

Sorry, still working on it!

I wish you were a soap, because I want you all over me.

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"